I felt the same way for years. I hated my stutter and myself when I stuttered. Even though all the fluent people said "it's OK, its just the way you talk, take your time, my relative had a stutter etc" they never and could never understand what its like to be completely stuck and want the ground to open up and swallow you. Keep looking for something that will get you out of it - it is possible and it is possible to control it.