Ironically enough, the older I get the more my stutter bothers me. My parents feared I would be mocked and made fun of wen I was a child and therefore not have any friends, whereas I didnt have that problem at all. I consider my childhood a great one. However, the older I get (I'm in my early 20's now) the harder it gets to deal with it. Adult people just don't get stutter and it's hard to not think or feel that you can't do certain things because you stutter. I feel like I would be a much more interesting and fun person to be around if I didn't have this problem and would probably have more professional and social opportunities. It's the constant fear of having a really bad block and causing a horribly awkward situation, and convincing people I'm not just very nervous or introverted, I just have a disease thats preventing me from speaking the way I want. I feel like it's easier to call it a disease rather than a 'problem' or 'state' because I had nothing to do with it - I was born with it, I suffer from it, and it bothers me to no end lately. I'm on the verge of putting everything aside for 2021, take a break from everything and just focus completely on trying to cure/fix this thing. I know its probably late but I have to try. The more I think about it, the more I realize my life is only going to get worse and harder to deal with if I keep stuttering the way I stutter now and always did.