commentr/StutterApril 23, 2024

Content

UPDATE: Well, my teacher did answer my email and I disclosed it with her but I got no response lmao. My tutor supposedly was going to email her too, I don't know if she did, but knowing her she wouldn't care. I was suppose to present again today, doing it like I know my topics and fluently, but now with the extra pressure of being humiliated in front of the whole class, the teacher being weary of me and my team now hating me hahaha, well, we all know how that is going to go. I told my team to just read my part, the grade is personal so it won't affect them, that I'm going to talk to the teacher again, in person with the help of my tutor and with something that validates that I have a stutter (I used to go to therapy for this), but my team is just mad at me, but oh well. Class is in about an hour but I won't go, I feel like if I go and start stuttering or using different words that she'll just humiliate me again and possibly say that I have a stutter too in front of everyone or just say that I was never prepared and fail me based on that. I feel like shit since yesterday, obviously, feeling anxious, worthless and a lot of shame. What makes it worse is that one of my group has another class with me too haha, so I have to see her there and my mind just goes on with "she'll tell everyone that I'm this and that" and that they'll just look at me like "what a weirdo". I know that this should NOT bother me, but it's very difficult to not feel like this and think about it, my only "consolation" is that I graduate in late may/early june, but after all this, I may be in danger of failing the class, it will all depend on my tutor and director if they have to get involved too to make my teacher give me "special" treatment and let me present to her another topic just to her or something. I'm rambling too much now, let's see how everything turns out.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceEmotional ExperienceIdentity & Disability

Subthemes

Avoidance & SubstitutionHiding & ConcealmentShame & EmbarrassmentAnxiety & Social JudgmentHelplessness & AgencyStigma & Bullying

Codes (1)

public_speaking