I think I understand what you mean. You feel like you are performing so you are not able to feel the moment and your emotions. You’re just looking for good results in your social interaction so that you don’t feel incompetent as a speaker. You’re playing to not lose rather than playing to win and for enjoyment. You’re driven by fear, not enjoyment. Also your playfulness with women is being lessened by your stiffness and tension in your mind and body. You’re not allowing yourself to feel, and you don’t feel authentic because you’re hiding something from them. Is this what you mean?