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I need a realistic wake up call So... I've never actually posted anything on here but I've been lurking a lot on this subreddit. I don't even know how to write posts on Reddit in a comprehensible manner but I'm gonna try even though English isn't my first language. I'm (M 21) a university student in Italy who has been stuttering all his life despite going to many different speech therapists during childhood and adolescence. My stuttering is on the severe side, it seriously impacts my mood and the consideration I have of myself and my professional future. Despite this, I did have a lot of progress in high school after doing speech exercise with my mom every day. I eventually got lazy and stopped caring about doing these exercises as much, as at the time my only preoccupations were to graduate high school and the oral tests were only part of the grade. Despite stuttering severely I could convey what I studied, but I always felt some kind of impostor syndrome, because I though that my professors felt bad for me and therefore wanted me to be able to pull myself up by giving me grades I didn't deserve purely because of my disfluency. I recognize this type of attitude towards like is very irresponsible and nihilistic, and now I'm paying the price. I chose Chinese language and culture as my major as I'm enamored with China and with different cultures in general, my grades so far have been great as most of my exams are written. However, I have a couple oral exams which I'm leaving behind and I feel terrible about them. I'm currently going to a speech therapist right now who's very well-versed and experienced but it's like I can't retain any of the techniques she tells me to employ, and I know in my subconscious that it's because of my laziness and my nihilistic view on life. Right now I fear that my future is very impacted, I'm afraid I won't be able to conduct job interviews and I'm honestly feeling deeply depressed about this sort of self imposed situation. What I want to know is, how much tolerance to frustration/discomfort (and also abnegation of self and my desires) do I need to achieve to be able to do actual progress? I decided I'm going to take it seriously this time and I'm trying to talk with my friends everyday since I'm not home with my mom as much due to college. I also think I'm going to start reading aloud, both in Italian and Chinese, and to repeat aloud what I'm studying. These are all nice words to say but another thing is to actually do it, so I think the biggest obstacle in "overcoming" or mitigating my stutter is my laziness and irresponsibility. How do I work on this? How can I force myself to think that this "suffering" will be good to my future self? Because just thinking about it doesn't make me actually pursue all the means that are given to me right now and I feel like a spoiled brat for actually not taking action. I want to be the master of my own life, at last. Now I have a few months to prepare for my oral exams and I need to be realistic because I know I can't solve my stutter in just a few months but I want to do so in the most effective way. Also I'm stuck into thinking about this issue on a short term goal, but I know that I'll have to practice every day for the rest of my life basically. I've tried alarms, I'm now thinking of making a journal to track my progress and also record myself while I read or talk with my friends/mom. Please I need some cutting advice from someone who has resolved my same issues. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself