I get what you're feeling and I'm the same in a lot of ways. Not always saying how I feel about something, etc. But honestly no, I wouldn't rather be a mute. Because I think my stutter has given me some tenacity that I notice others don't have. For instance when I was in high school speech, I noticed others would make their speeches short because public speaking scared them that much. It was a required class so there was no way I was getting out of it and I did the best I could. I knew I was at a disadvantage and I stuttered the whole way through the class, on every speech. The first couple times I did it people laughed at me because they were uncomfortable and no one knew I had this issue because I never speak regardless of that. But I did the best I could. And ya know what? I got an A.