postr/StutterAugust 31, 2022

Why can't I stop overthinking?

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Content

Why can't I stop overthinking? My overactive mind (mostly the cause of stuttering that's holding me back in life) Small vent because my heart can't take it anymore. I'm sitting here in tears with lofi music to calm me down. Lately it's just been getting out of hand. I can't stop overthinking. It's gotten to the point where I can be on my own laying in bed and my heart just starts pounding so hard and I get lost in thought. Panic attacks are becoming more frequent even though I have nothing to be afraid of. Dissociation of reality is starting to creep in every morning but it fades away as soon as my brain starts overthinking things. Kind of. I'm in the state where my brain is on the move but another part of me feels just... lost. My exams also start next week and I cannot focus. I tried meditation. Im trying to keep my mind clear but it just floods by unnecessary thoughts. I get thoughts like... "will you ever make a friend at college?" "will you pass this year?" "will you ever find true love?" "why are you so weak?" "will you keep staying silent in the dark?" "will you ever find freedom and just speak without any stuttering or speech blocks?" These kinds of thoughts branch off into deeper thoughts where it becomes loopy and time just goes by so fast. I'm falling apart. I regret taking this path. If only I changed my mindset in highschool. It's like I've fallen down this dark hole where insecurities just toppled over eachother and its so hard to climb out of it. I've felt like this for months. Maybe longer. But it has gotten to the point where just giving up feels like the only option. I even forgot what dopamine feels like. Oh how long has it been since I've felt real joy. Childhood. Playing in the streets with my friends. I miss them. It's times like those you only truly appreciate later in life. Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading. I feel like this is safe place to vent instead of constantly keeping things in. And much love to everyone.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceCauses & VariabilityEmotional Experience

Subthemes

Overthinking & MonitoringStress & Fight/FlightAnxiety & Social JudgmentHelplessness & Agency

Codes (2)

emotional_statepropositionality