I have a problem with stuttering, mental health

I have a problem with stuttering, mental health Hey, I don't know what to do, I can't handle school and everything, when I was off school, the school home, the city, I was finally starting to get together, to get together my life, to grow up I was working on myself crazy I was educating myself, reading books, got interested in some philosophy, teology etc. - I was watching Jordan Peterson's lectures, the biblical lectures ... astonishing..- I was thinking about things, writing, playing the guitar, I was exercising, running, working on my posture, meditating, I have been trying to quit porn, I was off the phone, computer and television at the nights and evenings for 5 days a week and I have been just thinking at the night, or listening to music.... man it was harmony, the freedom, the beauty, the peace. And now man I just .... I'm stripped away from all of it, and the constant stress, and repression and fight, all day and I have nothing to gain the strength from. I try to live in alignment with my soul, with my being in thw Truth and I wasn't... it was tremendous hell, tremendous hell.... without it... man it was just... no one can bear the suffering having no integrity, you are just done, pathetic weak false worthless and cowardly shell. And I mean, I try but it's so hard it's... why it's so hard is because I have a heavy stuttering. It'a hard for me to get out the sentence, even a word, a lot of times it can take me just 15 seconds just to say hello... and the words... the words.... oh man.... that's how you express your soul... if you can write and think and read and speak, formulate things then you are absolutely deadly, you are the moving force in the best sense possible, you have the world lying at ur feet, I mean the truthful words. And me, I have no power, no strength I cant be aggressive. People mocks me, ignore me, and I cant do nothing. I just get stepped over, even when it is 13 year old kid man, oh how does that feel.... I cant defend myself verbally, I cant be a monster and I break down, I break down easily I don't know what's wrong with me. And if I have no integrity I lose my soul, and if I lose my soul I am in hell, I am dead, I am gone. It would be better to be dead than without your soul. And that's it, there's no incremental steps with this, either you are fully in our you are fully out. My voice shakes, I am shaking, I have tears in my eyes and I am defenseless... man I am gonna quit school, everything. I just can't stand it. I can't. I try maybe meds because I have no better option. I just don't know what to do...