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Stutter ruined my entire night Today began as a perfectly normal day. One of the last days of the standard quarantine regimen, a few days until life becomes semi-normal again. I had to go out in the evening, first time in a month. Before I went out, I put nasal spray in my nose. Turns out I’m allergic to some chemical in it, and, it really fucked me. But especially, it fucked my stutter. All of a sudden it got so much worse. I was dehydrated after a few minutes of talking, my self esteem plummeted. It triggered the emotional baggage. Ruined my mood so much that I couldn’t enjoy myself at all. Just got back from the night out. The entire night, I tried to be happy, but every time I tried to express myself, it depressed me. It was also the first time in a while people were dismissive of me because of my stutter. Now that I’m finally alone at 1AM, I feel such crippling worthlessness because of my inability to speak fluently that I honestly don’t know what to do. And yes, I’ve tried almost everything accessible to me, financially and distance-wise. Therapy, neuropsychology, reading out loud for 10 minutes a day.