Not many people will be able to understand the pain you are in right now. Maybe no one in your life will be able to. But this group has many many many people who have been in very similar situations as you, who have felt so isolated and stuck and hidden because they couldn't express themselves. Especially me. I've been so darn close to doing some stupid things when I hit those dark times. Its scary but it was so scary because I had to go at it alone.. you don't. Reach out to this group everyday, and just rant. A lot of pain gets bottled up in you causing darkness so invade if you don't ever express yourself. Rant of this group everyday about your day, about your feelings. I guarantee you, everyday someone will resonate with how you feel. You are not alone. These emotions you are feeling are temporary even if you believe they are not. You are stronger than you think you are. I promise.