I am very sorry to read that you are going through this, I can truly empathize with what you are feeling. One thought, have you looked to see if there is a local NSA support group near you? [https://westutter.org/chapters/](https://westutter.org/chapters/) ​ These are free support groups, often attended by local speech pathologists. Some of these groups can be of great assistance and help you through these most difficult times. I do hope you find a way to work through this. You are worth it :)