I don't know if it's an english as a second language, but your word choice is interesting. Your usage of the word implies that you're choosing to stutter, or you're addicted to stutter. Like you're the one causing your agony. You're not to blame. I think getting used to the idea of stuttering is a part of you, and it's going to happen throughout your life is a good step to having less feelings of hopelessness. Think about times, even if its only once, where you stuttered and you still were able to get what you wanted. Build on that. I know at 14, you're putting your stutter under a huge microscope and feels insurmountable. And feelings can certainly worse if you let it control every action of your life and let fear take over. My best advice is after a bad stuttering moment is to give yourself grace and remind yourself it's ok. And don't be afraid to take risks and move outside your comfort zone. That's how we overcome.