I've already ruled out ever being happy overall. My mood is heavily dependent on my rate of fluency. My communication issues go well beyond the "taking longer to say it" aspect (I'm sure this applies to others as well). The odd facial expressions, noises, etc are things that also fuck up conversations. When my fluency is a shit show it seems that I have no control over the content I'm trying to say. My train of thought derails completely and I come across like a fucking moron. Too many running processes in my head while trying to speak. Timing is everything. If you try to make a funny comment within the boundaries of the conversation and it takes you forever to say it, the conversation flow has just been derailed and your comment has lost its immediate value due to the timing being way off. Like it's old news or something. I'm pissed off after almost every conversation I have because of all the missed opportunities. Being social is something I will never attain. I do not have the energy/drive to obtain it. I've black listed it. Why would someone who is worse off than me make my situation any better? Am I supposed to be grateful that I'm not missing limbs? Why the fuck would I be? My situation is what it is, playing the game of comparison doesn't do one shit. Everybody's situation is different. Some people handle their stutter better than others due to life experiences he/she has had. Does this mean I have given up on life? Nope. Just certain aspects of it. I'm still in school and I will eventually have to try to get a job. Am I looking forward to it? Absolutely fucking not but I know it's something I have to do.