I sympathise with you and when I was younger I had similar feelings. Have you tried any forms of therapy? This was the turning point for me. It helped me see my stutter as something that happens but not something that defines me. It helped me to see that the person most bothered about my stutter was myself. I still stutter and still have struggles but mentally I am in a pretty good place. I have friends, a family and a career. It’s looking alright.