I can understand you, I live in a very religious country and it's hard when so many people around you are blinded by a book, I've been told that stuttering is a curse from the devil, but if we don't have past lives, why would an innocent being be cursed so young? You're right, we shouldn't try to find life's meaning in something as abstract as religion, having unquestionable rules does more bad than good, real life is chaotic and not everything has an answer, strength to you.