My stutter is sort of similar in that it’s at the beginning of certain words and once I pass the hurdle, I can speak pretty freely but otherwise I’m just silent and can’t get any sound out at all. Is there a pattern to your word hurdles? Like a particular word or vowel that trips you up? I’ve identified mine so have cheats to get around them e.g., a synonym to avoid my trip words or I have sentence bridges (a couple of words to link sentences together or words to kick off what I actually want to say…like a little ramp to warm me up). I’m in my late 30’s and I’ve grown to accept my stutter as something that makes me, me. I’m no longer ashamed of it and when thinking back to how debilitating it was when I was younger, I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself or let it hold me back. I’ve grown to embrace it and have found that being honest with people really helps me. If I’m having a bad stutter day and my cheats aren’t helping, I just pause when I have my stutter freeze and say “ugh sorry I didn’t get much sleep this week and my stutter’s playing up today” or “oh for F sake, there it goes again!” I say it like it’s no big deal and that it’s just an annoying thing like I was just distracted by a mosquito or something. My career is one that involves a lot of talking, often with strangers and new people. Nine times out of ten, people are really surprised and say they had no idea I had a stutter (even people I’ve known for years). Oftentimes they’ll ask me questions about it. Being so open and nonchalant about it has actually really helped me build meaningful relationships with my colleagues and clients at work - I feel like it makes me more human and relatable. All of this to say, you’re not alone and try not to let it hold you back from getting out there. I know easier said than done but I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to be my friend or work with me because of my stutter :)