That's traumatic to watch because I know what's going on inside. But it’s also funny, the side jibes to yourself as you are going through the process are fluent. You probably have a stutter that's emotionally triggered, which is what I have, that makes it doubly frustrating as you know inside you have no good "reason" to stutter other than because you feel like a broken good for nothing human being. I've only just started to come to grasps with my stutter very late in life, my stuttering has decimated my ability to work/earn well and make new friends, have relationships. But I soldier onwards and upwards. Good luck dude! 🤛