Part of what makes stuttering hard to deal with is all the thoughts we can have about it - that lead pretty much nowhere, since stuttering continues to elude us. It's not a very meaningful phenomenon, in that there's no clera explanation for what's going on (_yet_, we could add, to give a nod to scientific progress in this field). Many of us report various amounts of stutter in different situations, but the specifics vary among us too. Suffice to say that the role we play can have an effect - which "social mode" we're in, roughly, or more specifically, which "communication mode" we're in (performancewise). You should totally visit with a therapist if you feel like you're getting too confused about these things! It's not often stutterers meet others of their kind, such that they can exchange perspectives, but a therapist meets a lot of stutterers, and is trained in their issue to boot. a community such as this is a good start for you, I reckon, but since none of us are professionals, maybe that's what you'll need instead. Stutter is in many ways an odd little thing, that tends to take up a lot more room than one might expect. But that's because it's hard to deal with something that continues to hide itself from us. Learning to manage it (and our thoughts about it) is a good way of regaining some of the control we've lost.