Just wanted to say the feelings you’ve expressed and situations you’ve described are very similar to mine during these times because I’m in the same boat. Studying online negatively affected my stutter, too. First of all, lack of external acknowledgement does not mean you don’t feel things. I’ve stuttered since kindergarten, and only the last year of high school could I consciously admit that there was a need for some kind of change. Like before I couldn’t even think the word and it’s association with me, and I felt like a failure for not really knowing how did everything come to this. Took me some therapy and soul searching. So you acknowledging your feelings is very very good. What kind of helps me is throwing myself into studying. I’m at uni and I volunteered to have so many side projects I don’t think I can pull it off. But unfortunately, my self worth is dependent on my academic achievements, so even if I have stutter, which is still a part of my personality, I have another domain where I can get that shred of positivity. And honestly, that doesn’t mean it’s fine now. I managed to ask a question on a seminar yesterday and I never do that, but struggled with speaking to this teacher afterwards and didn’t answer when I had something I wanted to say. Threw my hands in the air in frustration. It’s an ongoing problem. I wish I could take the pain away. But I don’t know how to ultimately do it for myself. I feel this. I understand. You are not alone. And English is also not my first language, and yours is great.