>I suppose this shows that I’m messed up deep down psychologically and it’s not just a common speech issue. Stutter is never just a common speech issue, but at the same time, we know stutter can vary a lot, and appear in different ways, so there's no reason to think you are especially broken (or something like that). There's no such indication here - but stutter definitely seems to take up a lot of your time. Do you know if speech therapy might help you manage things?