I am thirty three years old. I have been through more shit than is sane or reasonable for one person, but I'm still here. It may sound trite, but- the more you allow this mentality to dictate your life, the more negativity you'll manifest. If you walk around saying that life is horrible and lonely, you're guaranteeing it will be. This isn't to say that depression isn't real, or that these thoughts are easy to change. I promise you though that this isn't the end for you. Life is a never ending battle. You unfortunately have to fight for your happiness but trust me, it is so very worth it in the end. I felt the same as you do for many years and came out of it. I believe that you can, too. I hope you're well, and I hope you see that you deserve to be happy.