Remembered the fear and stress of stuttering

Remembered the fear and stress of stuttering Random Rant- Basically, after a long summer of not really speaking nor socialising with friends besides like one I had my first day back at school where I was studying for an apprenticeship. I had a meeting today kinda just preparing me for when I do start working (drafting a cv stuff like that). However when I was speaking during the meeting I was stuttering a bit and kept trying to find filler words to bypass the stutter but nothing was working. When I was stuttering during the meeting, it kinda had me thinking and paranoid for when I’m gonna have to go to interviews and when I get a job. Idk man, it’s just not gonna be easy and I’m as awkward as it is already. I was lowkey ready to start working and getting my life together but now I’m just dreading everything. I’ve been stuttering since I was about 3-4 so nothing new lol but because I wasn’t really struggling with my stutter this summer as I weren’t speaking to much people besides the family members in my house (literally) I kinda forgot the stress and self disappointment I feel when the words won’t leave my mouth. Fuck stuttering bro I hate it, I hate the consistent fear of having to go out in public and worry about having an interaction with someone because I’m scared I’m gonna embarrass myself and stutter. (^apprenticeship most likely gonna have me speaking a lot so that’s where the fear is kinda coming from… I hope not tho ofc)