I completely understand you and I’m happy that you’ve been able to go through life and be okay even in your pain. That shows resilience. Even now sometimes I get discouraged about my unanswered prayers pertaining my stutter but even with the littlest of faith I try to hold onto the word of God. I hope you continue to live a wonderful life and if you ever want to open up to God again, just know his there and his listening to you ❤️