Since you're in college, you should be able to seek help there. Google "{your college name} mental health" You should find resources there. Or you can go into the counseling office and ask. There's no shame in asking for help. I understand you want to protect your Mom. It's a lot to lay on her. But she'd want to know. She'd want to help. You are stronger together. And maybe you don't have to lay everything out. But let her know you're having a really bad time and need help. What would break her is if she lost you. And you're sliding in that direction. Let her help you. No one in this world succeeds alone. Trying to go it alone is a plan for failure. Open up and let people help. You obviously want help. You're asking for it here. But we're a million miles away. You have people in the next room. Go to them.