What do you mean by the first paragraph? Btw Christianity can be accepted as a relationship with God not as a religion and certainly not as a cult. There are Christians who only build a relationship with God and never get involved in the religion aspect of it and be fine. It seems like you have a demon inside of you or have meant demonized person and listened to things that goes against God which makes you doubt God. Stuttering is not human’s fault. I see it as a struggle put up by God for us to come out stronger.