Do you ever feel guilty for intrusive thoughts relating to stuttering?

Do you ever feel guilty for intrusive thoughts relating to stuttering? Maybe it's just me, but, it's been happening a lot more recently. I have a bad day and/or a bad experience and I end up thinking "Maybe life would be better if I didn't speak at all or if I were a mute" and then I feel shitty because it feels like I am inviting the universe to pull the trigger and make me mute. And this thing sucks because, objectively, I'm glad I can speak, I can sing in the shower, I can SOMETIMES communicate effectively with the people I love. But sometimes I wish I could just cease to exist altogether and just never speak again. This reminds of that quote (?) which goes something like: Person A: You shouldn't complain, because things could always be worse. Person B: But things could also be better. ​ All this leaves me fucked up in the head because not being able to speak effortlessly and not feel anxious like a person being hunted for sport just by speaking on the phone?? I have SO MANY ISSUES already with my body, my life, my career, why can't I just have one fewer problem, yknow?