Content
I dont really..stutter? Hello guys,the title may sound paradoxical at first sight,given that i am even writing here,but let me elaborate.I have the innate ability to speak flawlessly,but i feel like i cant unlock my authenticity due to persistent memories from my childhood and the fact that my parents are divorced.Back when i was 7,i had to testify against one of my parents,which was pretty much going to determine my future for the next atleast eleven years.This left me with deep,uncurable even,emotional and psychological trauma.However,i feel like the coronavirus pandemic was a blessing in disguise for me.I started talking more on the phone (one of my biggest phobias,to this day) and generally i felt like i had reached an epiphany and rediscovered my identity.Then,during the summer,i went out almost every day,literally searching for people to communicate with,which boosted my self-esteem and my confidence alot.I felt like i was untouchable at this point.I made flawless and satisfying phone calls with people surrounding me,i talked almost every day (used to completely alienate myself from talking and etc).However,my problems escalated again 5 or 6 months ago-i dont know whether it was unlocked by a specific event,but it has been terrible ever since.I feel anxious even in the simplest social situations,but i am not stuttering-i am blocking and having trouble starting my sentences.When i begin speaking,i can somehow push it out,sometimes with great effort,but when i subconsciously convince myself that a word is challenging-i create a mental barrier and a horrible prerequisite.How can i regain my positive mentality on speaking that i used to have and forget all the terrible memories surrounding it?I cannot erase them,but how can i break this psychological barrier that is blocking me?