Are you Russian? You have a Russian sounding name. I am Ukrainian and grew up in a Ukrainian/Russian culture, but live in America. In our culture (especially in Russia and Ukraine), any abnormality cured or hidden form society. My grandparents made every effort to get me help, and they weren't shy to bring up my stuttering every single time they saw me block. Over time this manifested into low confidence and low self esteem in regards to my speech. I assume your family was similar in this regard. I say this because stuttering really is not that big of a burden, and you shouldn't put yourself down so much over it. The way I deal with it is I practice, alot, and get to a place of comfort. During/after I practice I make a phone call or talk to a friend, family member, colleague, etc (someone who I'm comfortable with) to practice the techniques that are fresh in my head. Because I am fresh off a practice session, these calls or conversations tend to go well and beyond my expectations. Any small victory I take as a great thing. Focus on the positives, ignore the negatives. A positive mindset will help you more than you can ever imagine. -Serge