I think about it all the time.. Everytime someone asks if I forgot my name.. Or cuts me off while I'm trying to speak.. Or when I just have so many things I would like to say and just stay silent. That's when my soul dies, piece by piece. Every now and then when there have been so many bad days and so many things unsaid. I numb myself with benzos (xanax) and wine. Can't even smoke weed cause that makes my stuttering worse and my life gets even more mizerable. Life is really difficult when you are afraid of speaking on the phone, or strangers and taking a presentation at university. I would just like to have ONE fucking day of no stuttering, just so I can experience how it feels to speak whenever you want and say whatever you want. Then I can die.