So I dont know your personality or whether youre open to change your speech because some people just think they are doomed forever and I personally stutter (shut down blocks) mildly but trust me I feel EXACTLY how you do. I also have social anxiety so my mindset isn't great BUT I do have a firm belief that you can change your speech or to the minimum the way you think about your speech. Look up speechanxietycures by Lee Lovett or read his third edition and maybe try a few sessions. I am not endorsing his book I just think you may be able to find help here. It is a community of ex-stutterers and current stutterers who teach techniques to avoid stuttering. I was in a very dark place before I found it and it might help you too. For more info just reply to me and I will get back asap or dm me.