Feeling suicidal

Feeling suicidal My maths professor used to slap me in the back of my head really hard for not getting good grades.(I was perfectly normal till 15). I don't if that was the reason behind my stammering. I used to fear going to his class just because of the beatings. Later I developed anxiety and depression because of his classes. Now my whole life is a mess. I'm 22 currently. I'm feeling suicidal.