Just a rant, does not contain useful information

Just a rant, does not contain useful information Most nights I fear the future, mostly I fear the part of growing. I look around and see my friends growing up, becoming an adult version of themselves. They are out in the world making new friends, working different jobs, experiencing new things and becoming a better version of their past. Whereas I am still stuck at a simple task of not being able to introduce myself. I find difficulty in introducing myself, a problem I've had since I was a child. I just can't seem to say my name without a severe block. The same old severe block which makes my face and hands twitch, which makes my head shake violently and mainly makes me look weird. I also wanna grow up, be independent, confident, work different jobs, hold interesting conversations with different people without holding back my real thoughts and mainly i wanna be the real me. As couple years have gone by and I am now 21, I realize that this is how it's gonna be forever. "Oh it will be alright as you grow up", was what I was told since I was a child. But now as I have passed my teenage years and have become a young adult, my speech still remains the same. The same everyday constant struggles to just let out words. This is a feeling of hopelessness that's eating me alive. I just can't express myself. I can't share my knowledge. I am a person who reads different books, reads news and watches many documentaries. But when the time comes to share my information, I am stuck. Stuck in this endless loop of struggle in letting words out. So, I just reside in my safe corner, become a shadow and just listen. Sadly this is what I do and this is what I have become. A person who knows but can't express what he knows.