It does sound a bit like depression, but honestly, it comes down to your beliefs. Beliefs are the driving force behind everything we do. People get divorced because of beliefs. Nations go to war based on beliefs. Some people even commit suicide because of their beliefs… so you might want to examine what you believe, why you believe it and if there’s anything more you should be exploring. I actually just read a famous book by a depressed person (Ecclesiastes) and much of it echoes what you’re saying. You might find some comfort or insight in it, if nothing else: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%201&version=NIV