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my stutter ruined everything. having a speech impediment has ruined my life. i knew life wouldn't be easy having one, but its just unbearable, and its mentally defeated me. i had a bad experience one time, where i went to order food and got stuck on a word. ever since then, i've had this overwhelming fear of socialising and talking to people. its not a severe stutter, but it pops up at the most important times in life(meeting new people, job interviews, etc). i dropped out of university pretty much because of it. the written work i could do, its just the seminars and presentations i couldn't contend with. i lost 90% of my relationships because i got so depressed about it. i know full and well i can do most of the jobs advertised, but my speech, and this overwhelming fear has me mentally trapped, and is holding me back from getting jobs, or even attending interviews. i'd rather be bone and ash than live a like this. talking is essential, and the truth is, you're not going to make it in life or be what you want to be, if you can't string together a couple of sentences fluently. i've done things like speech & language therapy, cbt, took medication, but those didn't really work. i'm considering taking medication again, though honestly i don't want to, i already have a side effect from taking them years ago. life has rendered me bitter, and is constantly reminding of all the things i could've or would've been, if i didn't have a stutter, and its heart-wrenching. i don't even wan't to be around my family members because they've all achieved great things, and haven't completely failed life like i have. everyday i feel like my integrity and compassion is slipping, and that i'm clinging on to it, because those things are important to me. sometimes i think *"why bother holding on?"*. i honestly hope this is my last year, the anguish and sorrow is bone deep. i don't want to be 'prefect'. i just want make something of myself, and put good into this world while i have my existence. but the days and the weeks only seem to get darker, and i'm not getting any better. i just feel like a liability at this point, rotting away and not doing anything of significance.