I know the feeling. I'm 42 and stuttered like a mofo in my youth, I still block sometimes but pretty fluent these days. I'd say my stutter at 20 was probably the worst it ever was in my life and it definitely impacted me the same way it is impacting you. It is a tough time to get through and seems sort of hopeless...but know that with time, comes fluency. It seems to happen to everyone. Perhaps, part of that is getting older and not caring what other people think. Looking back, it made me a stronger person in some respects. Fluency will come...take comfort in knowing that you won't be wrestling with it forever. I don't really even think about my stutter anymore....you'll be there one day, too.