As I get older I'm realizing how much I actually want to use my voice. Luckily I've been able to make the most of opportunities I've had so in the end I'm personally not too focused on "what could have been" if this passion wasn't smothered my entire life, but I completely understand the frustration. Fantasizing can feel good (sometimes in a masochistic way) but never do it more than thinking about what you're going to do with what you already have. Best of luck, OP