The shame is real. I admitted that I stuttered once to a therapist and just broke down because of the shame. I will say it’s gets better. This is personal and in no way advice, but when I decided to accept that I stuttered and allowed myself to stutter, life got better. It got so much better. If maybe finding some way to come to terms with your stutter might work for you (easier said than done), please think about it (also easier said than done). Take care and forgive yourself, not that you need to. :)