I relate to this heavily. Life is tough, and a substantial amount of people are assholes to stutterers which doesnt exactly make it any easier. From the tone of your post I’m gonna assume that you’re severely depressed. My best advice would be to find things that make you happy, hell not even happy, things that make you feel alive. Go for a run when it’s cold out. Feel the wind brush the sweat off your face. Remind yourself what emotions are, and recognize the beauty in feeling them, even if they’re negative emotions. I need to take this advice more often as well. Hopefully this helps and I wish you the best.