I find public speaking easier than casual conversation but I can’t speak to anybody.

I find public speaking easier than casual conversation but I can’t speak to anybody. I think that this seems contrary to what other people generally post on here but, for me, I have always found it much easier to declaim (speak in public) than to have any type of private or casual conversation. I also find that the later causes me a lot more stress. I am not sure whether the two utilise some different type of mechanism for this to be the case, maybe it is just that it is much easier to prepare for and practice public speaking? I will preface this by saying that, among other problems, I have had a stutter for my entire life. I also spent my entire childhood attempting to overcome it. I tried every orthodox and unorthodox method you can imagine but I never had speech therapy in the modern sense as a child. Instead, I spent countless hours being tutored in oration and elocution. My oration teacher also told me that it is actually much easier to hide a stutter when declaiming (as opposed to daily conversation) and gave me a specific historical example but she didn’t elaborate on why this is true. I think she was mostly trying to motivate me to not be so uncommitted and despondent. Regardless, it holds true for me. I went from being unable to work through the smallest and most simple texts at the age of 7 or so to being able to construct and deliver speeches in fluent and perfectly enunciated English a few years later, I could also recite poetry and prose aloud quite well. I initially thought that all of these victories were predicated on being able to maintain composure and being able to put some forethought into what I would say. No matter how many advances I made, even the most basic of casual conversations were beyond me. I still get caught up doing basic things like ordering food in a restaurant or introducing myself. These are things that can be pre-planned mentally but mechanically it just doesn’t work out. Likewise, I could respond to arguments made by other people in debates and deliver a counter argument but this is spontaneous so I think preparing your words in advance isn’t the full story. If we marked each “type” of speaking on a spectrum, repeating something rehearsed in private would be the easiest, followed by the same act in public, then speaking formally on a topic without feeling stressed would be next, far below that is speaking casually in a stress-free environment and then emotionally changed personal conversations render me virtually incapable of producing anything coherent and sit at the bottom of the scale. I can’t figure out how I can convert my situational competence into something that I can use in my day-to-day interactions. I’m not well-practiced at speaking casually to people. I am very shy and self-conscious, pretty much useless actually. People don’t usually want to talk with me and I get physically tired easily. Every conversation usually turns into them speaking at me and me not being able to produce anything as fast as they spit more out. Why is it easier to speak formally than informally? Is this true for you also? What should I do? I feel complete despair when I realise that I have no personal connections with anybody because I can’t talk well enough to form them. I get mocked when I try to be more outgoing so I feel a little bit stuck.