I also started to stutter badly around the age of 17. It started at the age of nearly 13, but at the time I would only stutter occasionally on words starting with L. It was really bad. I felt victimised by my own mouth, tongue and vocal cords. It was very jarring. The experience of wanting to let a word form and leave your lips, but be unable to do that, is absolutely crushing. I wanted to run away from it, I wanted to be "cured". 5 years later, I feel more comfortable about it. Yes it's there. Yes some people judge me for it or put me down for it. Idk I ain't getting rid of this shit, so I'd better make my peace with it. I outgrew the mindset of getting rid of my stutter or stuttering less. The fear sometimes still grips me, but it's all a work in progress. Speech therapy is not something that I can afford right now. But if you have access to it, it can be life changing. I hope you can grow more comfortable with your stutter. :)