I totally understand how you're feeling, a few years ago I was so, so close myself. I felt everything you feel, the loneliness, the wasted time, the hopelessness. But I'm so glad I didn't. I'm doing amazing now, and I realised I was just so wrong on every account. I was 24 when my life really started, when it became more than just hiding and avoiding people. It could have been earlier, if only I had pushed for it earlier.