You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I think everyone on this subreddit is or has been in the same boat as you. Go do what you feel may be best whether it be doing speech therapy, practicing correct breathing, doing the ‘Kings Speech’ method of listening to music as you speak, etc.. There are loads of work arounds and techniques to help you with your stammer and you’ll find the one that works for you! I know it’s easier said than done but I’ve just outright accepted my stammer and I’ve gained confidence from it and I’m a happier person for it. Thanks for sharing your story though and hope in the future, despite this pandemic that it all works out for you.