You aren't the problem. Don't belittle yourself! I used to relive my embarrassing moments also, as I had an especially problematic stutter when publicly reading. In the back of the car on my way home; right before I went to sleep, and I kept thinking what my classmates must be saying about me behind my back. I know how you feel. I even saw some of my own past thoughts written down in your post. Fortunately, I am past that now. I achieved a worry-free stutter that is almost unnoticeable to the casual listener. My improvement came down to: 1. Practicing a lot at home! I went to speech therapy with diminishing results. I found out to get the best results I must do the exercises everyday, I got disciplined. I also practiced my presentations and reading aloud at home. 2. I used a booster to my confidence. For me that was weightlifting, for you it may be something different. The key is to find something that has a linear path of progression and you can see the results of the effort you put in. Learning the violin, the piano, any other sport or playing chess are some examples. This activity will make you realize that your stutter is no different and can be improved. 3. Repeat for 1-2 years. I don't think people realize that this problem can't be solved permanently by a 28 day "course". It takes persistence. That is it. I couldn't be happier that I started 3 years ago. If you are interested in this approach and want more info on it, DM me freely, OP. That goes for anyone else reading.