I think that most of us, as a group of people with similar experiences tend to always put others first. I have become a master at reading faces and emotions because I wanted to know how my stutter affected people and how it made them feel. Do they feel sorry for me, are they laughing, do they think “oh my god I want to get out of this uncomfortable situation” etc. All of that unnecessary thinking and focusing on others made me a people pleaser, always thinking of everyone else. Be selfish. That’s the message I have learned. And the funniest thing about your situation is that you are not even being selfish if you decide to be absent from this toxic family gathering. There are a handful of people worth for your selflessness and unfortunately these relatives are not among them. If they disrespect you and treat you like that, just take the big scissors - time to cut them off and don’t worry about their opinion. They are just toxic and hurt your feelings, nobody’s got time for that. You are worth more than that. Stay strong ✨