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I am angry I hate my stutter. I hate it so much. I can never be me and say what I want to say because I know I'll just mess it up. I can't give a presentation without at least one person grimacing the entire time, and I know that all they see is the stutter and aren't actually hearing what I'm saying. They probably just think I'm a babbling idiot who doesn't know what they are talking about. I am angry at my parents for not taking my speech difficulties seriously. I was put in speech therapy through my school from 1st-2nd grade, but was taken out because "it didn't affect my academics." Why didn't my parents fight to keep me in therapy or try to get me therapy elsewhere? Why did they yell at me when I would stutter because they thought that just talking slower would alleviate it? Why did they get annoyed with me when I would go non-verbal in public? Why did it take years of pleading until I was a junior in high school to see the school speech pathologist? That speech pathologist gave me a lot of good strategies, and my fluency increased greatly. Unfortunately, that speech pathologist got a better job, and a new lady came in who was ABSOLUTE TRASH. She literally asked me what I had done with the previous person, and then she just did the same thing. I gained nothing new from that incompetent slug. My speech has definitely improved since I was a kid, but it is still not good. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to actually receive speech therapy for more than a cumulative 3 years (technically 4, but I am not counting the 1 year from slug lady). I am starting grad school this fall. It is in a big town, so I am sure there are speech pathologists around. I really want to take the step to get more help with my fluency, but I don't know where to start. Does insurance cover that kind of therapy? Even if insurance covers it, I feel my parents will be sketchy about it because they low-key still think the cure to stuttering is just speaking slowly or thinking about what I want to say before I say it. My university has a speech pathology program, so maybe the university offers services to students with speech impediments. Do universities even do that? I don't know. I am stressed and anxious, and I just was to be able to talk without worrying if people can understand me. I want to be able to tell a joke without repetitions and blocks ruining the punchline. I just want the voice in my head to match the voice that comes out.