Wow I'd never heard of this. I 100% believe I suffered from that for many years. This is surreal to read. It feels like reading my own thoughts. I think I've worked my way out of it recently (ironically, almost entirely THANKS to the stutter because I was forced to test all the scary theories in my head or fall into a deep depression) but I'd be lying if I said those thoughts don't still go through my mind. I just now know they're false, instead. Have you seen a counsellor? If not, look into your options. I'm not sure I'd still be alive today with the one I found a couple years ago. As far as not being able to fathom owing your stutter, I certainly don't know what it's like to be you, but I personally don't really see NOT owning it as one of the options. Realistically, what's the alternative? If I'm afraid of rejection, which would lead to isolation, and I therefore isolate myself to avoid aforementioned rejection, then I'm creating the feared reality anyway. So you may as well take the chance of being rejected and being wrong than ensuring it all by not finding out. I know it's easier said than done, and I don't know what you deal with, but in my mind there ISN'T any other option and somehow you gotta try and find ways to slowly but surely ease your way out of that thought process. Be kind and be patient with yourself, but take baby steps towards that goal every day.