First off, I'm pretty sure you have AvPD stemming from your stutter. A lot of us are this way, maybe join a group near you for group therapy or something of the sort. And definitely try to eventually quit smoking, it seems you've become dependent on it to even remotely function which seems like a good thing now, but you're just impeding on potential progress you may make for the future. If you still haven't fully accepted your stutter and think you can get past it, try to go to speech therapy, if you fully accepted you have a stutter and there's nothing you can do about it, just take each day at a time and realize that you didn't ask to have this, so why be ashamed, that's what I always tell myself. I think moving forward, you need to **find something to make you want to change**. Literally anything, a hope or a dream, not wanting to wake up being a victim anymore and accepting who you are, wanting to put in the work now for a better future. Doing this has made the fact I have to deal with a severe stammer make life actually feel worthwhile.