I need better advice than “push yourself”

I need better advice than “push yourself” I need advice from the only people who actually understand what it’s like... I’m so ******* sick and tired of people’s advice to be to “push yourself”...That was my mentality in high school and I ended up having my stomach pumped after an overdose because no-one would listen when I said I could not handle the trauma of pushing through with the stammer in a certain scenario. I’ve been invited on a second date with someone I really like to a galley opening on a wine farm. Of course this sounds like such a wonderful experience and one that I’m trying to cultivate more in my life. But right now my stammer is the worst it’s been in years (more sounds and facial contortions). If I go to this event I will need to introduce myself and talk about myself to his friends. One of my initial thoughts was that I wouldn’t want to embarrass him. But now it’s more so that I don’t want to be embarrassed and humiliated in front of him. Because it’s a dating scenario - of course I am also concerned about looking ugly/unattractive. I can ask him to just do something more low key on another day but I’m at the point where I feel such despair at passing up opportunities for the life I want. I want to go to gallery openings and talk about my thoughts - because I’m really smart and they’re good thoughts! I feel like I will never be the person I want to be or have the life I want to have at this point. And it’s making me question my existence or the point of carrying on at all. I feel like I have a shell of a life and am a shell of a person.