I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression since I was 15. I wanted to kill myself too when I was a teen. Hell, I wanted to kill myself two weeks ago and needed to call out of work and lay in my bed to cry all day. If you can, I would recommend finding a social worker, any kind of counseling where you can talk to someone and it’s their job to give a shit about your mental well-being is good. I began therapy at 18 and although it was never really a “cure” to anything, it certainly helped me.