Content
Feeling overwhelmed/vent post TW (suicide): hey all, hope you are all doing well. I don’t want to spread any negativity, but I have no other place to vent. For some reason, over the last couple of days, my (M22) stuttering has been been consuming me. I have been stuck in these thought cycles that relate to how much of a struggle my stutter has been on my life. These thoughts have led to my stutter being almost unbearable over the last few days to the point where I get genuinely frustrated every time I have to speak. It is exhausting. I suppose it started on the night of the Fourth of July when I got home around 12:30 after celebrating with my friends, I called up a suicide hotline because I was so frustrated and so over this shit that I didn’t want to continue, couldn’t possibly fathom continuing. I eventually self soothed and convinced myself to give life another chance. I’m happy I chose to not end it because I know I still have a lot to live for and I could never do that to my friends or family that have supported me throughout my life. I think that something that triggered that was my loneliness. I’ve been very frustrated with my romantic life and that has led me to feel very lonely and isolated. This has been a theme lately as I have had several relationships with women go downhill over the last couple years, so I was just feeling overly frustrated cause of that stuff (which is a massive overreaction on my end). The reason why this was on my mind on the fourth is because there was this girl there at the party that I was interested in, and I couldn’t strike up a conversation with her because of my stutter and I felt like she wasn’t taking me seriously. There is also this girl who works at my local bar that I have a crush on Bc she is very pretty and treats me with respect despite my stutter, which is surprisingly rare. However, my stutter prevents me from getting any conversation of substance with her, and that is frustrating to me. She has been on my mind a lot lately too because I’d give anything to at least have the chance to get to know her better. There has also been a lot of moving parts in my life lately that have made my future very uncertain, and the stresses me out a lot. That has added to all of my emotional problems over the last couple days. I also feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this because I know my stutter is an issue that only I can solve. And I just feel embarrassed every time I talk about it, even to a therapist. All of this has just been a perfect storm and has made my stutter nearly impossible to manage, as if it wasn’t difficult enough. I’m just so tired of it. Having panic attacks Every time I’m in a speaking situations, not being able to form new relationships, etc. I’ve troubleshooted so many times and no matter what it feels like I make no progress. It’s just hard to not feel hopeless sometimes. Anyway, I suppose I’m posting this to seek any advice or words of encouragement, or if anyone can relate to anything I’m going through. Again, I don’t want to spread negativity and I hope you all are doing well in your fights against stuttering. We’ll all beat this someday.